About Annie
We are not broken. We break open.
And that gives us the chance to reshape ourselves into a fuller version than we could ever be before. This is how I got here, told honestly.
Before we begin
Five things I wish someone had told me
You are not broken. But you have spent so long with someone who set out to break you that you do not know who you are anymore.
His horrible behaviour was never your fault. Only horrible people choose to behave horribly, over and over again.
Almost nothing he told you about yourself is true. He lied about how unworthy you were to keep you in his power.
Healing is about far more than freeing yourself from the pain. You get to discover the real you, buried beneath the fear, shame and self-blame.
It might be a bumpy ride at first. But getting the narcissist out of your life sets you free to create a peaceful present and a fulfilling future.
My story
Twenty years in the making
I was married to a narcissist for over twenty years. I made my mistakes in depth.
I loved too much, stayed too long, excused too much, and made holding a failed relationship together my mission. I fought to give my daughter a two-parent family, and felt too broken to leave but too unhappy to stay. My life looked idyllic from the outside. Inside it was an endless, losing battle with guilt, loneliness and shame.
I kept fighting because I trusted my head more than my gut. Unless I had a bullet-proof label to confirm that the relationship was irreparable, I felt I had no justification for leaving.
The turning point
How I finally left
When I finally ejected him from my life, it was not because I womaned up, saw the light and had my magnificent Gloria Gaynor moment. That only came much later.
In reality, a combination of circumstances forced my hand. Not least his own psychotherapist telling me that I was a victim of domestic abuse, and a quiet, nagging conviction that staying any longer would lead to my death.
Like every survivor, I had to reinvent myself, claw back a sense of self, and somehow get over how blind, stupid and pathetic I felt. And all the while, part of me still believed in him and wished I could find a way back.
My life’s work
An unsung tribe of open-hearted women
My own story paralysed me. Learning that millions of other women around the world had been through the same nightmare galvanised me into action. Joining a domestic violence group changed my thinking. A narcissistic, abusive human being had not just happened to me. I belonged to an unsung tribe of open-hearted women who had never been taught how to protect themselves from toxic people.
Since I could not change my own past, I committed to doing whatever I could to stop other women putting up with narcissistic abuse. For the last 20 years this has been my life’s work, and it never gets old. I became a speaker, coach and author of three books on emotional and narcissistic abuse.
I found my perfect partner, gentle, loving and present, everything my narcissist was not. Four years ago he began fading into Alzheimer’s. As he lost his mind, I came close to losing mine too. That second journey only deepened my desire to keep supporting other survivors through their pain and toward healing.
We survivors need support and validation, not tough love
When you hit rock bottom, there is only one way you can truly mess up. That is by giving up on yourself. Please do not ever do that.
Your story is not over.
If you would like to see whether we might be a good fit to work together, book a Breakthrough Session. 30 minutes, one to one, on Zoom.
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